the night was filled with glitter rain.
dark music in a dark theater.
running. setting up equiptment.
i showed up looking my best.
anticipation.
bundles of nerves.
apprehension.
we didn't say a word.
i sold merchandise maybe two feet
from where my old love was sitting, facing me.
i was blind from the projector light.
towards the end,
a gorgeous blonde came up to me,
and i mean. bombshell.
.
she sat to my right, bending down,
knees bent.
staring.
smiling a huge white smile.
beautiful eyes.
and i thought,
oh another fan of the bro.
let's sell her a cd then, shall we?
and she did want one and i did sell her one.
but then..
she told me
"daniel, you are my favorite photographer ever."
and i said, "really?.."
i didn't understand.
"and i love all of your movies...
i love everything about you."
still smiling ear to ear.
gorgeous.
blonde.
hot.
hitting on me.
and man did it feel amazing, but then, my head jumped. this was all
...right in front of my ex.
and it felt like a set up.
without blinking.
focusing on me, eye contact.
it's unusual for me.
girls never hit on me,
it's always the other way around.
"do i know you?"
"no, you don't. but i know everything about you."
everyone saw this happening.
even though i was blinded by projector light.
girls i wanted to impress saw it.
girls that used to date me saw it.
hell - my nextdoor neighbor saw it.
it was . crazy.
but right after she walked away and i went to sit back in the aisle.
my ex and her friend stormed out of the theater...
she never even say hi.
she's the one that said,
"we don't bring out the best in one another."
we broke up with each other.
not one dumping the other.
i felt terrible. and set up.
but i wasn't set up.
and i shouldn't feel terrible.
and maybe i don't,
but maybe i do.
the blonde.
pursued to follow me all night,
glaring,
flicks of the tongue.
eye contact,
the rest of the night.
i let it roll off me.
and she was looking at me
over her boyfriend.
but i did not pursue.
i held off
this was two nights ago.
and i needed to talk to ashley
so i called my ex this morning.
we talked.
but i should not have.
i really should not have.
we chit-chatted,
i told her she looked good that night.
"aw naww.."
she told me i lost weight.
and i did.
i guess thats her way of telling me
i looked good.
she said it was awkward the other night.
and honestly, i saw that night that she was more afraid of me than i was of her.
and i thought it wouldn't be like that but it was.
and i said, "yeah well.. it's hard we were together 3 years"
"you were my best friend for 3 years"
i said, "you were too, and i'll love you til the end"
and she said "me too"
and then i drove to work.
my heart is tightly wound with strings,
and every time i think about her it unravels and ..
i just fold.
i fold in the day time and in the night.
i fall back in a field of poppies,
and bake in the sun.
i get dizzy.
i get lonely.
i am porcelain.
breakable.
hard to put back together.
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
i talked to my little crush after the show.
she looked so good.
hot, actually. really hot.
it was lightly drizzling behind this old theater.
and i hugged her and she left..
i erased the next two paragraphs i wrote. goodnight.