my dreams where i am still with her are becoming more frequent.
the hardest part about them is waking up.
i am moving on, but she haunts me.
like that dusty book on the library shelf.
she keeps falling out onto my floor.
waiting for me to pick her up and read her.
i'm finding out so much more now about her that i didn't know.
nothing horrendously bad,
but how she wouldn't stand up for me when
i wasn't there.
and that crushes my heart and memory of her more than anything.
if someone said anything bad about her when i was with her i would have told them off.
it's called love. trust.
and i don't have it anymore.
i guess i never really did.
it was all a lie.
betrayal.
and she's not the only to betray me.
there are others i must deal with.
i am my own man now,
and some people can't handle it.
just a lowly lonely man,
with a knack for playing guitar music,
smiling, laughing, working hard, enjoying movies, good company, loving. good lover, good kisser, good on a lot of things.
find me love find me
im tired of looking
maybe i shouldn't look
"it's good for you"
to be alone.
that's what everyone says.
but as i sit here,
i realize it's hard to enjoy anything without anyone else being there.
i don't like doing some things by myself.
but other things, like music, reading, you know.. etc. i thrive on.
fuck.