about a year ago i was standing
outside my house with my father.
i was feeling pretty sad that day.
he looked over at me and smirked,
saying, "daniel, you're life hasn't even begun yet."
and he walked inside.
and that's something that's stuck with me.
i sit here just about a year later,
and i don't feel that it's started yet.
any day now,
but not today.
this cycle of isolation isn't my life beginning.
it's patient-impatient waiting.
it's monotonous.
it's heresy and common sense.
it's bullshit but it's the only path.
a path that i walk alone.
a path that i don't see anyone else walking,
yet they all claimed to have walked it.
similar paths, sure.
but not mine.
not this one.
this one's full of too many left turns.
too many dark roads that lead to nowhere.
a lot of effort for a little give, if any at all.
i'm not antisocial.
i'm just social-less.
not to be confused with a socialist.
i've gone deep underground to return,
to come back stronger.
i am stronger.
but i am worn,
like tattered clothing.
like that shirt you still love to wear
even though everyone says to throw it out.
you keep it 'cuz you love it.
that's me.
i bet if you dyed that shirt,
fixed some of its seams,
and put a new design on it
you could reinvent it and make it new again.
the new hotness.
i don't know what i'm waiting for.
i guess i'm waiting for school to start.
i guess i'm waiting for money to roll in.
i guess i'm waiting for everyone to be in perfect health,
in perfect happiness with love,
happy at the right job,
happy at home and abroad.
but that'll never all happen.
not all at once anyways.
i'm very tired right now,
and just typing typing typing away.
sometimes i'll wake up in the morning
and read something like this and say
what the hell was i thinking last night?
and i'll blare some badass ac/dc
rolling down the street really fast
feeling all badass
then i'll work all day and come home
and watch some tv and hang out and then
feel like this.
melancholy tired.
what a life.
paycheck to paycheck.
nothing to show for it.
no one to show nothing to.
fuck it all.
you know what i'm gonna do right now?
you know all those clothes i just washed?
and then dried?
i'm going to grab them from off my bed.
and then i'm going to throw them on this here chair.
and then i'm going to crawl into my big comfy queen sized bed
and drift off
and dream a dream that i won't remember in the morning..
probably a nightmare i'd expect